Cuba: Stress-Free for Some

From time to time, I like to look back through my old travel journals, handwritten pages inked in the moment, before hindsight could clean things up. This entry comes from 2008: a journey to Cuba, written exactly as I experienced it. If you're looking for polished postcard perfection, look elsewhere. But if you're after an honest account of exploring the world in all its chaotic, charming, and occasionally confounding glory, then read on.

Cuba is stress-free, though only for the tourism workers, certainly not for you.

Upon arrival, you quickly learn to wait. First, you chalk it up to island time. You begin to rationalize that maybe it’s a good thing, because we need to learn to relax and not be so caught up in the rat race. Then you realize that this has nothing to do with a relaxed island atmosphere; you are just being ignored. It is a byproduct of the communist work ethic, though even this seems tolerable when compared to the food.

First, a word about currency: apparently, Cuban pesos are the world’s strongest currency, at least according to the Cubans. There is a reason why the Cuban Convertible Peso is not recognized as anything more than paper outside of the country, because Fidel makes up its worth on a daily basis.

The Canadian dollar was worth 60 cents. So the $200 CAD in my wallet became 120 Convertible Pesos. Got Euros? Too bad, you still come up short. If you’re lucky, you may get par for British pounds on a good day.

Here’s a good reason to choose, say, Mexico over Cuba.

Also, a side note: the Convertible Peso (which tourists are forced to use) is worth 25 National Pesos (which the locals use)… Riiiiiiiiight! Want to take a tour bus to Havana? 40 tourist Pesos. Rent a Yugo for a day? 120 Pesos. That’s $200 Canadian per day.

Ok, so let me paint a picture. We arrive. I’m second in line at reception at the Kawama Resort in Varadero. There are six staff members behind the desk. Five are discussing how they are going to spend their cut of our money. The other one looks thoroughly pissed off. She is the one dealing with customers… in Matrix bullet time, only that time is going normal speed, it’s just the resort workers moving in slow motion. A half hour later, we get our room key. The room is nice enough, but a standard pull-out couch is more comfortable than the bed provided.

I go to the buffet, and there is not a clean bit of cutlery or cup anywhere. We spot four waitresses sitting down, talking together in the middle of the restaurant. As I approach, one waitress cleans her armpits with a napkin she has taken from the table. Eventually, after pleading, I received a slightly less dirty fork than the one I had initially been provided with. 

Now, I was told the food in Cuba was bad… This is an understatement. Everything tastes vaguely of botulism. After mastering the national sport of spitting up into napkins, we decide maybe the snack bar is the way to go.

The snack bar guy is nice enough. Apparently, everyone has come to the same conclusion about the buffet, because he has a lineup of thirty people. He is cooking hamburgers as well as ham & cheese sandwiches. His grill is about 1½ feet by 3 feet. He takes one person’s order, cooks it with about 95% open grill around it… gives it to the customer, and then takes the next order. The word “multitask” doesn’t translate here.

Twenty minutes later, we go to get a drink—same pace at the bar. It’s all-inclusive, so you have lots of options… rum or beer. They are out of everything else!

The next day, we go to the breakfast buffet. The omelet stand looks decent, so I see the cook make a few tiny omelets for the people ahead of me, again, one at a time. Now, thinking this may be all I eat today, I ask for a large one. Of course, I get the same small one as the others. (Part of the communist equality belief system, I guess.)

I’m still hungry, so I go for some cereal. But when I tried to pour my Commios out of the cereal bin, I must have disturbed the nest of mites living inside, because they came out with a vengeance.

It’s like this for the rest of the trip while in Varadero. In fact, it worsened when we tried to leave. Our luggage was held in a locked closet after we checked out. Our shuttle to the airport was to leave at 6 p.m. At 5:45, we went to retrieve our luggage and were told that the security guard was on lunch and would be back in 5 minutes. Also, he was the only one with a key. He didn’t show up until 6:45, which is ok because the shuttle didn’t arrive till 7:10.

At the airport, the check-in took an hour. Now, this was only a problem because they moved up the flight time. With the help of some other travelers, we managed to run out on the tarmac and just make the flight.

OK, so the good part of the trip: Havana!

In the capital city, the architecture was great, the old city had many nice hotels with connections to Hemingway, and the people were very friendly. They are poor and desperate, but they have a great deal of well-deserved pride. They are lovely people, and I assume this is what people come to Cuba for.

The food was great, the Plaza de Vieja is a must, and the Coco taxi (scooter cab) is so much fun, I wanted to buy one and bring it home to start driving a Coco cab in Toronto. The old cars are great. The music? Fantastic. Havana is a must-see. The people there are down on their luck, but they are all trying to be as industrious as possible to earn a handout. They are all too happy to be your makeshift tour guide, take your picture, and do anything within their means to merit a tip, which is the total opposite of Varadero. The souvenirs were more affordable in Havana as well.

Final thoughts?

If you want to see Cuban culture and get a glimpse of the communist system, booking a hotel in or around Havana would be my recommendation. If you’re looking for a budget-friendly, sunny getaway with value, consider the Dominican Republic or Mexico instead of Varadero.